picture credit: nicole.steffes
Last Sunday night, when I came home from church, my heart was so heavy that I couldn’t help but to cry. Alone in the dark of my room, I was silently tearing myself up. It was supposed to be a happy day because it’s our Thanksgiving day but why am I allowing this feelings to swarm my lonely heart?
It’s already 2018. When will I learn? When will I stop measuring my worth by the opinion of others? I don’t know. Sometimes the worst place you can be is in your own head because it creates thoughts that isn’t even in reality. This is so hard. But what makes it more harder is when you have no shoulder to lean on. No one offers you a hand because they think you’re strong enough to handle your situation alone.
But they don’t know how much tears I shed and faced the day like nothing happened. They don’t know what I felt when my heart was torn into pieces. They don’t know how many times I wanted to open myself to someone but chose not to because of the fear of being criticized. They don’t know—no, not even a single thing.
Behind my smile is a breaking heart. Behind my laugh, I’m falling apart. Behind my eyes, are tears at night. Behind my body, is a soul trying to fight.
Aide-moi, mon Dieu.