picture credit: liskin_dol
Hello guys, I’m back again after a long time of not posting.
To tell you honestly, for the past few months, I’ve been struggling maintaining my spiritual devotions. It was so dry I couldn’t find inspirations and motivation to keep myself on track.
The main reason is, I am ashamed of worshiping God because I kept on repeating my sin. I have this bad habit of doing that ‘sin’ and say sorry to Him and then days will passed, I’ll do it again. It became a repetition. And I am so embarrassed I couldn’t go to church without being felt humiliated to myself.
Often times, I asked Him, “Lord why me? Why did you bring me here into this place? I’m a failure. I kept on sinning. I don’t deserve Your mercy, Your love. I am not worthy to be called Your child.”— and so forth. I couldn’t fathom that a person—like me, would be deserving to be a child of Him. I just couldn’t picture myself.
Yet beyond all those transgressions, what I will always hear from the vessels of God (ministers), will be about His mercy, His love; His sacrifice. That the grace He gave was mightier than my frailty. I am just simply astonished.
Last wednesday, we had a service on our church, when the MC called the preacher and before praying and letting us sit and listen to the message of God, Bro. Ed said to the crowd to sing a song one more time, and the song was titled “He Looked Beyond My Fault And Saw My Need’,
At first I didn’t heard what he said but as the pianist plays the piano, I realized what he was playing. And just after that, I can feel my eyes watering up, letting the tears freely strolled down my cheeks. I couldn’t say anything. I was beyond astounded.
How could I let myself be blinded by doing bad things? It was no longer a weakness but a stubbornness. But I am praying that someday, this will pass. I don’t want to be a stagnant believer. I want to grow in His grace, doing right things that are pleasing to the Father and be a good example to the people around me. Please pray for me also, you—the one who’s reading this. May the good Lord bless us richly. Amen.