At My Worst

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Hello guys, I’m back again after a long time of not posting.

To tell you honestly, for the past few months, I’ve been struggling maintaining my spiritual devotions. It was so dry I couldn’t find inspirations and motivation to keep myself on track.

The main reason is, I am ashamed of worshiping God because I kept on repeating my sin. I have this bad habit of doing that ‘sin’ and say sorry to Him and then days will passed, I’ll do it again. It became a repetition. And I am so embarrassed I couldn’t go to church without being felt humiliated to myself.

Often times, I asked Him, “Lord why me? Why did you bring me here into this place? I’m a failure. I kept on sinning. I don’t deserve Your mercy, Your love. I am not worthy to be called Your child.”— and so forth. I couldn’t fathom that a person—like me, would be deserving to be a child of Him. I just couldn’t picture myself.

Yet beyond all those transgressions, what I will always hear from the vessels of God (ministers), will be about His mercy, His love; His sacrifice. That the grace He gave was mightier than my frailty. I am just simply astonished.

Last wednesday, we had a service on our church, when the MC called the preacher and before praying and letting us sit and listen to the message of God, Bro. Ed said to the crowd to sing a song one more time, and the song was titled “He Looked Beyond My Fault And Saw My Need’,

At first I didn’t heard what he said but as the pianist plays the piano, I realized what he was playing. And just after that, I can feel my eyes watering up, letting the tears freely strolled down my cheeks. I couldn’t say anything. I was beyond astounded.

How could I let myself be blinded by doing bad things? It was no longer a weakness but a stubbornness. But I am praying that someday, this will pass. I don’t want to be a stagnant believer. I want to grow in His grace, doing right things that are pleasing to the Father and be a good example to the people around me. Please pray for me also, you—the one who’s reading this. May the good Lord bless us richly. Amen.

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5 Quotes Of The Day.

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picture credit: stephanie_danielle

Remember the days you prayed for the things you have now.

Patience is not the ability to wait, hut how you act while you’re waiting.

When everything seems to be going against you, remember that the airplane takes off against the wind, not with it.

Learn from the past, prepare for the future and perform in the moment.

What is coming is better than what is gone.

 

The Truth About Your Heart.

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picture credit: lennart

Your heart will fix itself.

It’s your mind you need to worry about. Your mind where you locked the memories, your mind where you have kept pieces of the ones that hurt you, that still cut through you like shards of glass.

Your mind will keep you up at night, make you cry, destroy you over and over again.

You need to convince your mind that it has to let go.. because your heart already knows how to heal.

– Nikita Gill

Picking Friends Wisely.

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picture credit: alexseyreyes

Choose a friend who will inspire you to be better each day. Choose someone who will bring out the best in you.

Nowadays, some people (mostly young ones), can’t seem to pick their friends wisely. But I’m not against that, of course. Because sometimes, we learn how to choose after some trials occured. Pick a friend who values your worth; don’t befriend someone just because you’re lonely or you’re always feeling unaccompanied.

This morning when I came to my work, I was washing my coffee cup when I saw two kids. The first one was on the other side of the road then he saw his buddy, I think. I looked at their expressions and they were smiling from ear to ear; just because they saw each other and happens to go to school at the same time.

I like friendships like that. I mean, they’re not even talking to each other yet but the excitement was so visible from their faces. Hopefully, I can find someone like that. I want a friend who will stick to my side no matter what happens. Of course, I’ll return the favor. You see, it takes two to a relationship to work. Give and take; a rule to tighten your bond.

Miss Na Kita, Aking Kapatid.

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picture credit: ryyster

I still remember your face when I tried to spoon-feed you the herbal drink which our father made. You were looking at my despaired eyes then with a blank expression that’s torturing me so much.

Whenever that scenario flash into my mind, I couldn’t help myself but to silently cry recalling those bittersweet times. Didn’t know that will be the last time I will see you face to face.

As I look at you moreover, my heart aches. I was silently praying that God would quickly heal your hopeless state because we couldn’t just bear to see you crying so much in agony.

One night, I walked outside of the house and lift up my gaze at the starry sky. You were oxygenated at that time, I think. I was crying, and pouring out my distress before the Lord.

I beseech, “Lord, if this unpleasant situation will always happen to my brother, might as well withdraw the life that’s in him. I can’t see him suffering anymore.”

You might say I’m too heartless. But no. It’s because if he dies in this world, there’s another life that’s waiting for him. Not just life. But eternal life. And in heaven, he doesn’t have to cry in pain anymore. There’s no more sickness awaiting him there, but pure joy.

Then few days later came, the angels beckoned him. It’s time to go home. We were heartbroken. But we know it’s for the greater good.

I know you’re up there in heaven, blissfully smiling. I really can’t wait to see you. How many times did I already said that I miss you, my dear hermano? I lost count. Today was supposed to be your 29th birthday but yeah, who am I kidding? You’re already gone in this world. But, thank you for being one of the most wonderful people I met in my life. You inspire me, Kuya. Te amo ♡

Things To Ponder.

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picture credit: amychenphoto

In my 17 years of existence, one of the things I learned how to live life right is being filled with positive thoughts and having a good attitude. Well, yes, not all the time you can keep up with that mindset but there’s no harm in trying, right? After all, it’s for the sake of your own good too.

There’s these times that the people close to me seems so frustrated that they just spit out indelicate words without having second thoughts. It’s hurting me, big time. Not knowing our tongue is powerful enough to break someone’s heart, they just say whatever they want to say.

One of the things that saddened me too was backstabbing each other’s backs. Doing it all the time without having consideration. Name it they’re siblings, close friends, relatives, or whatever relations they had with each other. They’ll say that ‘that person’ is narrow-minded, when the truth is, they’re the ones who’s really narrow-minded.

This is so disheartening. Why hate when you can love your neighbor as yourself? Why say harsh words when you can pray for that soul? WHY WASTE TIME THINKING MALICIOUS THINGS WHEN IT’S MORE LIGHT IN THE HEART TO HAVE HONORABLE THOUGHTS?

Widen Your Understanding.

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picture credit: rosielondoner

I’m that girl who can’t put her feelings into words. Because I’d rather not to speak it up to somebody and gains criticism at the end. I still remember one time I opened up myself to someone and that person said to me, “why are you thinking like that? You know, you shouldn’t feel like that because blah blah..”

It pains me when I always hear those kind of statement. Like, am I not required to feel downhearted? I’m still a human. With stacks of emotions.

So please, whoever’s reading this right now, try to understand other people more. Especially the depressed ones. They’re in the middle of great abyss. Don’t question their way of thinking. Rather encourage them. Life their spirits up, that’s what they needed the most. Not criticisms.

My Dear Friend.

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picture credit: danielcarrvalho

I asked her if she was okay,
And she said, “I’m fine, I swear.”
But when I looked into her eyes,
I clearly saw her struggles there.

She quickly looked away,
And tried her best to smile.
She said softly, “I’ll make it through this,
it’s just taking me a while.”

I knew she was hurting,
And I knew her pain was deep.
But she felt the burden was hers,
And hers alone to keep.

I reached out to her,
and our hands entwined.
I said, “I love you, my friend.
So your burdens are also mine.”

REPOST.

That’s The Place I’m Longing For.

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picture credit: angelica_rosengren

Where no sorrows ever told
Where nobody will grow old
Where the pain of heart are no more
Where the orphans has a home
Where nobody feels alone
That’s the place my soul is longing for

Where the angels sings so sweetly without cease
And the rivers of joy ever flow
Where my savior calls His own
Where I’ll stand before the throne
That’s the place I’m longing to go

Where there’ll be no broken home
Where no discord ever sown
Where no sins ever lies at the door
Where no loved ones ever stray
And we watch them slip away
That’s the place my soul is longing for

Where no tears ever fall
Where death angels never call
Where the crate never hangs on the door
Where the hungry never cry
Where we’ll never wave goodbye

That’s the place my soul is longing for
Where the angels sings so sweetly without cease
And the rivers of joy ever flow
Where my saviour calls His own
Where I’ll stand before the throne
That’s the place I’m longing to go
That’s the place I’m longing to go

Life Advice.

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picture credit: zachallia

Always be the best person you can be. Be kind even when you’re tired. Be understanding even when you’re angry. Do more than you’re asked, and don’t asked for anything in return. Don’t silently expect anything either. Listen when someone talks, and really listen too, stop just thinking of how you’ll reply. Tell people that you love them and that you appreciate them. Go out of your way to do things for people.

Be the greatest person you can possibly be and when you mess up, make up for it in the next moment or minute or day. One thing you should never do? Never spend your time trying to prove to anybody that you’re great, your actions will speak for themselves and we only have limited time on this earth, don’t waste it. If someone doesn’t see your light, don’t worry. Like moths, good people are attracted to flame and to light, and they will come.

REPOST.