Hurricane.

These past few days has been very horrible for me. Aside from I don’t physically feel well, the pressure from work is really keeping up on me. And to top it all, just earlier, I got schemed by a customer so I had to refund the money to the shop because it was my fault that I got tricked. I was not being extra alert.

This situation I’m in really upset me. I have no one to share my problems and thoughts going in my head, I can’t vent out my frustrations and have someone to comfort me. There’s a lot of bad things going in my life this past few days.

But at the end of the day, I realized a lot of things I failed to take notice.

Why would I search for someone when there’s Jesus Christ, just waiting for me to call for help? He’s always all ears.

Why would I let my concerns dominate me when He had already answered my lamentations since the beginning of ages? All I have to do is to trust Him because His timing is always perfect. After all, He already set the things into their own place since day one.

Why would I let myself worry such little things when I have a GOD bigger than all my problems? He’s bigger than all my fears, than any distress the devil had laid before my feet.

HE’S BIGGER THAN ANYTHING.

Just thinking about it makes me realize that all of my worries is vain. It’s pointless if I let myself be control by my surroundings, it will only make my day even worse.

Thank you Lord for everything. I know I’ve already said this a million times but let me reflect for awhile. I want to show to the one who’s reading this how much I am joyous of having You in my life.

You’re always there for me. I’m sorry if I often take Your love for granted. I’m sorry for abandoning You at my good times and coming back to Your arms, frustratingly crying.

But.. words can’t express my gratitude.

You were there for me at my highest and lowest point, even I already failed you a lot of times, You didn’t turned Your back on me and neglect me. You witnessed all of my struggles, my ups and down. You know me more than my earthly parents. My secrets, they were not hidden from You.

And this I know certainly after all of those hardships: heartbreaks and trials makes us more closer to God.

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Heaven Just Gained Another Beautiful Soul.

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picture credit: jude_allen

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Losing her was like losing my brother for the second time. Ate Rhesa, you were just teasing me last Sunday, and now this? I couldn’t stop thinking about you. I was even looking forward to see you on our general cleaning because you rarely make an appearance but.. I guess that won’t happen anymore. And your smile.. every time I see you laughing and smiling while talking to us, it stuns me how beautiful you can be. How I will miss those moments.

You may be look strict and intimidating sometimes but that won’t change the fact that you’ve made an impact to us youth. You’re an inspiration; a symbol of courage. You fought well, Ate. Now you can finally rest in heaven, together with your father and my beloved brother. Let’s see each other someday, okay? When the time is right.

I will miss you, Ate.

Grateful.

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picture credit: elliothawkey

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There are so many things I want to thank God for. The things we humans tend to overlook every single day of our lives. Words can’t explain how grateful I am ❀

Lord, thank You for always staying by my side through the good and bad times. Thank You because when no one’s there for me, You never fail to remind me that I have You. You’re always there for me to soothe my lonely soul.

Thank You for the food on my table, shoes on my feet, the roof above my head and clothes for my body. A lot of times I always complain and yet there’s a lot of everyday things I fail to notice too. Things I took for granted. And I’m sorry Lord for all that times. I’m a human, tend to forget, so remind me dear Lord to be thankful each day of my life.

Thank You also for the grace You bestowed freely on us. Without it, I couldn’t imagine what my life would be in this world. Maybe I’m out there living wild like what a normal teenager supposed to be, wasting my time on unnecessary things but.. thank God I was not.

A single day is not enough to express my gratitude towards You if I’m going to mention them one by one, every little and big, the noticed and the unnoticed thingsβ€”even If I’m going to make the ocean as an ink, it’s still not enough.

Truly I am one of a blessed human.

My Broken Pieces.

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picture credit: nicole.steffes

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Last Sunday night, when I came home from church, my heart was so heavy that I couldn’t help but to cry. Alone in the dark of my room, I was silently tearing myself up. It was supposed to be a happy day because it’s our Thanksgiving day but why am I allowing this feelings to swarm my lonely heart?

It’s already 2018. When will I learn? When will I stop measuring my worth by the opinion of others? I don’t know. Sometimes the worst place you can be is in your own head because it creates thoughts that isn’t even in reality. This is so hard. But what makes it more harder is when you have no shoulder to lean on. No one offers you a hand because they think you’re strong enough to handle your situation alone.

But they don’t know how much tears I shed and faced the day like nothing happened. They don’t know what I felt when my heart was torn into pieces. They don’t know how many times I wanted to open myself to someone but chose not to because of the fear of being criticized. They don’t knowβ€”no, not even a single thing.

Behind my smile is a breaking heart. Behind my laugh, I’m falling apart. Behind my eyes, are tears at night. Behind my body, is a soul trying to fight.

Aide-moi, mon Dieu.

At My Worst.

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Hello guys, I’m back again after a long time of not posting.

To tell you honestly, for the past few months, I’ve been struggling maintaining my spiritual devotions. It was so dry I couldn’t find inspirations and motivation to keep myself on track.

The main reason is, I am ashamed of worshiping God because I kept on repeating my sin. I have this bad habit of doing that ‘sin’ and say sorry to Him and then days will passed, I’ll do it again. It became a repetition. And I am so embarrassed I couldn’t go to church without being felt humiliated to myself.

Often times, I asked Him, “Lord why me? Why did you bring me here into this place? I’m a failure. I kept on sinning. I don’t deserve Your mercy, Your love. I am not worthy to be called Your child.”β€” and so forth. I couldn’t fathom that a personβ€”like me, would be deserving to be a child of Him. I just couldn’t picture myself.

Yet beyond all those transgressions, what I will always hear from the vessels of God (ministers), will be about His mercy, His love; His sacrifice. That the grace He gave was mightier than my frailty. I am just simply astonished.

Last wednesday, we had a service on our church, when the MC called the preacher and before praying and letting us sit and listen to the message of God, Bro. Ed said to the crowd to sing a song one more time, and the song was titled “He Looked Beyond My Fault And Saw My Need’,

At first I didn’t heard what he said but as the pianist plays the piano, I realized what he was playing. And just after that, I can feel my eyes watering up, letting the tears freely strolled down my cheeks. I couldn’t say anything. I was beyond astounded.

How could I let myself be blinded by doing bad things? It was no longer a weakness but a stubbornness. But I am praying that someday, this will pass. I don’t want to be a stagnant believer. I want to grow in His grace, doing right things that are pleasing to the Father and be a good example to the people around me. Please pray for me also, youβ€”the one who’s reading this. May the good Lord bless us richly. Amen.

5 Quotes Of The Day.

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Remember the days you prayed for the things you have now.

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Patience is not the ability to wait, hut how you act while you’re waiting.

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When everything seems to be going against you, remember that the airplane takes off against the wind, not with it.

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Learn from the past, prepare for the future and perform in the moment.

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What is coming is better than what is gone.

 

The Truth About Your Heart.

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Your heart will fix itself.

It’s your mind you need to worry about. Your mind where you locked the memories, your mind where you have kept pieces of the ones that hurt you, that still cut through you like shards of glass.

Your mind will keep you up at night, make you cry, destroy you over and over again.

You need to convince your mind that it has to let go.. because your heart already knows how to heal.

– Nikita Gill

Picking Friends Wisely.

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Choose a friend who will inspire you to be better each day. Choose someone who will bring out the best in you.

Nowadays, some people (mostly young ones), can’t seem to pick their friends wisely. But I’m not against that, of course. Because sometimes, we learn how to choose after some trials occured. Pick a friend who values your worth; don’t befriend someone just because you’re lonely or you’re always feeling unaccompanied.

This morning when I came to my work, I was washing my coffee cup when I saw two kids. The first one was on the other side of the road then he saw his buddy, I think. I looked at their expressions and they were smiling from ear to ear; just because they saw each other and happens to go to school at the same time.

I like friendships like that. I mean, they’re not even talking to each other yet but the excitement was so visible from their faces. Hopefully, I can find someone like that. I want a friend who will stick to my side no matter what happens. Of course, I’ll return the favor. You see, it takes two to work a relationship. Give and take; a rule to tighten your bond.

Miss Na Kita, Aking Kapatid.

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I still remember your face when I tried to spoon-feed you the herbal drink which our father made. You were looking at my despaired eyes then with a blank expression that’s torturing me so much.

Whenever that scenario flash into my mind, I couldn’t help myself but to silently cry recalling those bittersweet times. Didn’t know that will be the last time I will see you face to face. As I look at you moreover, my heart aches. I was silently praying that God would quickly heal your hopeless state because we couldn’t just bear to see you crying so much in agony.

One night, I walked outside of the house and lift up my gaze at the starry sky. You were oxygenated at that time, I think. I was crying, and pouring out my distress before the Lord.

I beseech, “Lord, if this unpleasant situation will always happen to my brother, might as well withdraw the life that’s in him. I can’t see him suffering anymore.”

You might say I’m too heartless. But no. It’s because if he dies in this world, there’s another life that’s waiting for him. Not just life. But eternal life. And in heaven, he doesn’t have to cry in pain anymore. There’s no more sickness awaiting him there, but pure joy.

Then few days later came, the angels beckoned him. It’s time to go home. We were heartbroken. But we know it’s for the greater good.

I know you’re up there in heaven, blissfully smiling. I really can’t wait to see you. How many times did I already said that I miss you, my dear hermano? I lost count. Today was supposed to be your 29th birthday but yeah, who am I kidding? You’re already gone in this world. But, thank you for being one of the most wonderful people I met in my life. You inspire me, Kuya. β™‘

Things To Ponder.

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picture credit: amychenphoto

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In my 17 years of existence, one of the things I learned how to live life right is being filled with positive thoughts and having a good attitude. Well, yes, not all the time you can keep up with that mindset but there’s no harm in trying, right? After all, it’s for the sake of your own good too.

There’s these times that the people close to me seems so frustrated that they just spit out indelicate words without having second thoughts. It’s hurting me, big time. Not knowing our tongue is powerful enough to break someone’s heart, they just say whatever they want to say.

One of the things that saddened me too was backstabbing each other’s backs. Doing it all the time without having consideration. Name it they’re siblings, close friends, relatives, or whatever relations they had with each other. They’ll say that ‘that person’ is narrow-minded, when the truth is, they’re the ones who’s really narrow-minded.

This is so disheartening. Why hate when you can love your neighbor as yourself? Why say harsh words when you can pray for that soul? WHY WASTE TIME THINKING MALICIOUS THINGS WHEN IT’S MORE LIGHT IN THE HEART TO HAVE HONORABLE THOUGHTS?